I have never been one in favor of praying out loud, especially not over a group of people. It is in those moments that the introvert within comes out to play (or hide, really).
Prayer itself has always been something so special to me. I get to communicate with the Creator of the universe, the King of kings, the Lord of lords. How awesome is that? Yet I’ve never really taken advantage of this privilege in a verbal way.
I get overwhelmed very easily: I blame it all on my over-thinking of every detail of every minute of every day of my life. It only takes one small obstacle being placed in my life to, by the end of the day, having myself convinced that my entire life will fall apart in a only few short days (it has yet to actually happen, in case you’re wondering).
This past week in particular I have felt considerably stressed by all the huge transitions and major decisions placed in my path. And tonight turned out to be the straw that broke the camel’s (the camel being me) back.
On my drive home-and the 20 minutes I spent in my car after pulling into the parking lot-I spoke aloud to God, hashing out the details of everything that has been causing me so much angst recently.
I just don’t know what to do. I don’t even know what to think or where to start. But I know that You do, so I need You to show me, really show me, and tell me where to go from here.
It was this prayer, essentially repeated over and over, that led me to the answers I have been desperately searching for for what feels like an eternity.
Be Patient. Trust. Discern. Speak.
These are the things I felt God speak to my heart as I cried out to Him in this new way. I have never felt such a peaceful, calming and overwhelmingly joyful feeling in my life.
In His word, God tells me-tells us- that He has qualified and equipped us through Jesus Christ.
He has given me the wisdom I need to know what decision to make.
He has given me His Spirit to help me discern what is good and fruitful.
He has shown me patience, therefore calling me to patience myself.
He has given me everything I need to know within His word and has given me the outlet to reach those who thirst for truth- so I must speak. To Him and to others.
It is beyond amazing what God can do when we choose to open our eyes (and mouths) to Him. We are the tools of His handiwork and through Him we can accomplish mighty things. If we have fully surrendered to Him through accepting Christ, then we have done just that: fully surrendered. We must only be faithful and daily cast our cares on Him-not just spiritually, but verbally and physically- and He will open us up to knowledge and wisdom we could never fathom.
I am so thankful and humbled to serve such an awesome, loving and gracious God, one that is willing to share Himself so fully with someone as wretched as me. His goodness never fails to blow my mind.
I have committed myself to speak to my God. Silent prayers are nice and sweet and sincere, they still connect us to Him. But I have all the proof I need to know that God wants to be talked to and He blesses those who follow His commands.
“Or do you presume on the riches of his kindness and forbearance and patience, not knowing that God’s kindness is meant to lead you to repentance?” Romans 2:4 (emphasis mine)